Been a while

Been a while since I've done anything like this. Its something I turn to when I'm feeling depressed or really down. Its almost like a ritual.

Happy > Really Happy > Down and out > Depression > Start blog

I mean the fuck is wrong with me.

Anyway last time it was about a girl, this time it was about a great friend of mine. Met this friend during NS, served almost the entirety of my two years with this buddy by my side. We'd go down for breaks together, eat together, go out for dinner together, play games together. Heck we hung out on weekends so frequently and after work so often that people started to take notice that if I wasn't going home straight, it would be out with this guy or if he wasn't around, I'd be meeting him anyway.

Pratically inseparable in camp and outside, we even played the same online game together. It was the perfect 'bromance' so you can say. But as they say, all good things come to an end, and even the best of friendships can have a tumultuous ending.

Long story short, he got sick of my depressive behaviour going through relapse and I was sick of his inability to empathise. We'd make a plan and he'd cancel last minute and when I called him out on it he'd try to justify it about like how I deserved it. I would just be emotionally depressive and pretty much a bummer to be with.

So as it stands I finally met up with him after a huge blowout on his last day at work. Smoothed things over, made sure we understood what was going on, and decided to part ways, because this shit wasn't gonna work at all. I would work on my depression, and he'd, well, I really don't know. There's no hard feelings towards him at this point, I dunno if its the same with him. Damn though, this is the hardest thing I've ever had to do and that's topping conquering myself a year ago.

Usually with friends you just phase out and make new ones, never forgetting the ones that crossed your path and made a difference, but this, I really thought we were friends forever. I kept on clinging and clinging to what was obviously a deteriorating relationship. I guess its for the best for me and him.

I sincerely wish him all the best in school and life and whatever happens. I've deleted every contact I have of him, MSN, phone, every conversation log I've had and even in-game. I don't see what good that is because I have his e-mail, phone number, address, IC number and shit memorised anyway, but I guess it makes it harder for me to just text to say I miss him and I want to be friends again if I have to key in 8 numbers instead of finding him on my phone.

Just typing this out makes me so fucking sad I want to cry, letting go of people I care about and love is so fucking difficult. It hit me, hard, that all I have left of this friendship are the memories that I will never be able to experience again, and short of dementia, which I will never forget.

So thank you for serving NS with me, making it the most bearable as possible, I will now have to finish the next 7 weeks without your company and I really hate it now. If fate will have it we cross paths again some time in the future, I hope you still remember me, as I will you. Maybe then things will be different.

See you bro, love you. See you when I see you.